You’re Doing It Wrong
24 Aug 2009 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: ally, parenting
Ask anyone who has ever had a baby, and they’ll tell you. People LOVE to tell you what you’re doing wrong.
The really frustrating thing is that no matter what you’re doing, what decisions you’re making, there is always someone that thinks it’s the wrong way and is more than happy to tell you so.
Take sleeping, for example. There are the co-sleepers, the cry-it-outers, and everyone in between. I’m very much accustomed to the wide-eyed stares and gasps I get when people discover that my 21-month-old daughter still sleeps oh so happily between us. Ally’s bed – now transformed from crib to toddler daybed - is a prop, something to be utilized during playtime, somewhere she can go that Chloe (our daily houseguest, ten months younger) can’t reach her. Her pink and brown crib set is monogrammed with her name. Her stuffed animals sit proudly among the fluffy, snuggly pillows I was so excited to find. It’s cute, sure, but mention something about sleeping there, and Ally’s little brow will wrinkle in confusion.
Then she’ll snuggle down between Mommy and Daddy and snore her little heart out.
Another thing people love to chime in about is breastfeeding. While we’re still not to the point in our civilization that people openly shun the act of nursing altogether, we’re getting close. Breastfeeding in public is a tremendous no-no – which, by the way, I don’t fully disagree with. I can’t count the number of times I had to take Ally to the car, or into a dressing room, or yes, sometimes even a bathroom in order to nurse her, and while that was often inconvenient, I see no reason for the general public to be familiar with the utilitarian nature of my breasts. Whether or not people should feel uncomfortable about it, they do, and I’m not in the business of conversion.
The biggest issue is that I am still nursing Ally. Most people are supportive for at least six months, even up to a year, but past that and you start to get some funny looks. Yes, Ally’s almost two years old, and if I’d let her, she’d still nurse every four minutes. I try to remind her that I’m not a water fountain, but believe me, it’s not easy to keep it under control, and to be honest, I am way past ready to have sole ownership of my body again. However, the very first time I had to take Ally to the doctor for a sick visit, she was 17 months old. That is virtually unheard-of, and the doctor said “Wow, you have breastfeeding to thank for that.”
The truth of the matter is that co-sleeping and nursing well into toddlerhood are both perfectly common practices in most cultures, and this is one of few that even question it. Personally, I’m of the opinion that every child is different, as is every family, and it’s difficult enough to find your own way without worrying what other people think of the decisions you make. No matter what the decision is – whether it’s co-sleeping, nursing, education, television, discipline, nutrition – there will always be someone telling you how much better their way is. Let them judge, let them condemn, and when they tell you how WRONG you are, just nod and smile politely, and then do it your way.
Being a nanny for a solid eight years before I had my own child mellowed me quite a bit, and certainly gave me some valuable experience, especially with regard to what’s important to me and what isn’t. I’ve seen many different parenting styles in action, and for the most part, the children turn out just fine.
So, go ahead and tell me what you think, but don’t be surprised when, next time you talk to me, Ally’s still nursing and sleeping right next to me. I may be doing it wrong, but I kinda think you are, too.
